Extraverts and Social Distancing

As an extravert, one who gets her energy by being with people, not distancing herself from them, I find myself struggling to get the energy I need to get through my day. Extraverts are sociable, interactive and love to talk, often before they think. It is who we are and what defines us. So, how do extraverts distance themselves from others? The actual distancing is not so much the challenge; getting through the day without the spurts of energy we get from being connected to others is the real predicament. I find myself responding to any distraction – a text, an email, or even a knock on my (home) office door as an opportunity to “connect.” My college-aged son is home, and my adult daughter is more comfortable working from this home, than her small apartment. Most of these distractions are about the current health situation we face, and don’t build my energy, but seem to deplete it. How do we fulfill our need to be surrounded by others? A “socially- distanced extravert” is an oxymoron, a contradiction. They just don’t belong together.

I have discovered a few ways to address this conundrum. I recently had to return something at a department store, (closed now). On the day I drove there, the roads were clear, the sun was shining, and despite everything that was happening around the globe, I felt good. The sunshine always has that effect on me, but it was really the music, my personal playlist – selected by me. I found the songs I wanted to hear, and played them, singing as loudly and carefree as ever. I had no passengers, so there were no criticisms of my choice of music (or my vocal abilities). The lack of traffic allowed me to continue singing throughout the ride. I didn’t have to stop singing because the traffic forced it, which would have allowed the person in the car beside me to stare, as has happened before. That can be a bit embarrassing, but not on this day. There was nobody to hear or see me and the whole situation energized me. I wasn’t “interacting” with anybody, but there was something about this experience that felt very liberating and gave me the fuel I needed.

When I arrived at the department store, I gingerly walked to the service desk and tried to stay a distance from the employee, wearing gloves, who accepted my return. I was able to make small talk with her, and she responded; in fact we spoke for about five minutes. Hopefully, she was an extravert who was comfortable with my need to converse. We had a “coronaversation” (aren’t they all) and I was soon on my way. The brief interaction with a real person satisfied my need to “extravert”. I remained in the store for awhile, never leaving it to go into the mall, keeping my distance from others, and exiting from the same door which I entered, leading directly to the parking lot.

There are other things we can do to fulfill the needs of our preference for extraversion. What about watching your favorite television show with a virtual friend? I’ll admit, I did this before social distancing. While watching the debates these past few months, I’ve found myself texting a friend who was immersed in them, too. Throughout the debates, we sent messages back and forth, “What a zinger,” or “They need to stop interrupting each other”, or “Bernie’s face is so red, he doesn’t look good.” It made debate watching very engaging. It was almost like having someone in the room with me as we watched the program “together.” Think about all of your favorite television shows that you can view with a friend.

We are tied to our phones for texting and surfing the internet, so how about calling a friend – really calling someone to talk ; you speak, she listens, and so on, without the swish of the text messages going back and forth. I’m sure your friends would love to hear from you. If you’re like me, you have a list of friends with whom you’d like to connect. Even, better – call your mother. (You should do that anyway). Social media is not really connecting, the “real time” conversation is different. As an extravert who wants quick responses, isn’t a real telephone call much more desirable? The opportunity to really converse with someone will almost fill your tank.

As long as we keep our distance, we can take walks. On a recent day when I decided to take a walk, so did many others in the neighborhood. Keeping my distance, I was able to have some brief interactions. As I walked by a friend’s home, I took a selfie and texted it to her, with a caption, “Stopped by to say “hi.” Hey, it’s the little things, isn’t it? Each time I’ve taken a walk lately, I’ve encountered many others, who I greet with a smile, or a “hello.” If it’s someone I know, we converse within a healthy personal space. The exercise and fresh air does wonders for everyone. I gained more required fuel, the energy was uplifting.

Speaking of exercise, I’ve attended a few virtual exercise classes. Again, fuel for my soul, as I can see the instructor, hear her and the music. Afterwards, we unmute our speakers, and take a few moments to chat and share our feedback. It’s almost as good as being there, because we see the others and talk to them. People seem to have a need to wave, as if we’re on television.” Oh, there’s Liz, hi!” There are many who prefer not to be seen, and that’s fine, too. Perhaps, they are the introverts who don’t have the need to connect with those of waving and saying, “Hi, love your picture on the wall!” or, “Your dog is so cute!” Of course, in our live classes we see each other all the time. But, this is, well, novel. Another positive thing about this, is that for a brief time, we don’t talk about the coronavirus. It’s feels like everything is “almost” normal.

I am also using this time to educate myself while fueling my need for extraversion. I receive emails about webinars all the time. Often, I’ll register, and have to cancel due to other work engagements. Live webinars, with real time presenters can be very engaging. The other day, I decided to enroll in one on a topic of leadership, my work world. The presenter was engaging, we were able to ask questions and respond to his questions. He had his webcam on, so it was nice to be able to put a face to a voice. But then he began to sneeze, and reached for a tissue to wipe his nose. It was a bit uncomfortable for us, more so for him. He continued to reach for tissues. He kept saying he was fine, as if we were afraid that his germs could come through our laptops. I hope he’s okay, but for a while it brought us back to reality.

A friend from my book club recently suggested a virtual book club meeting for our group. This is another way to manage social distancing and still interact with your friends. If your group spends more than 30 minutes discussing the book during a typical event, this could work. (I don’t have hope for my book club, though). If you’re a group of extraverts, you’ll want a facilitator to ensure everybody has an opportunity to talk, as we can overpower group meetings. If your meetings lend themselves to go off-track, it can still be a great opportunity to catch up with friends, “see” and “hear” them, while you “discuss” a book. You can enjoy a nice glass of wine while doing this, which is the way my book club usually flows.

Once I have the energy needed to fuel my soul, I can go back to the things that I am required to do, those tasks that require concentration, reflection, reading and yes, even writing – the introverted tasks. Then, I’m able to pour that energy into these tasks with vigor, and produce something that is better because of the energy I am able to devote to it.

Social distancing does not mean social disengagment. We can find ways to engage with others. I’m impressed with how we are finding ways to live in this new normal. Not only can we do this, we have to do this.